Happiness is a Choice: Three Maxims for Joy

Amma frequently demonstrates that happiness is a choice. Life may bring many ups and downs. Sometimes things flow easily, and everything seems to work out. Sometimes we succeed in our jobs, relationships, studies, or spiritual practices. At other times, it is not so easy. We may struggle to keep our minds balanced in the face of failures, losses, interpersonal challenges, and inner struggles.

This struggle is not new. Human beings have long grappled with this challenge. Indeed, many of the world’s major religions and philosophies have explored this very question. Among those who tried to understand the secret of happiness were the ancient Greek philosophers.

Epicurus lived in Athens around 270 BC with his closest friends. He spent his days trying to solve the perennial question that troubles most of us: How can we be happy? Epicurus aimed to uncover the key principles of contentment.

Epicurus laid out three basic instructions as the foundation for a happy life: cultivate true friendships, produce meaningful work, and learn to live happily with less. Implementing these instructions in our day-to-day lives can support our decision to be happy.

Amma speaks about the value of keeping company with people who share the same goals on the spiritual path, because we can uplift and support one another. She also emphasizes the importance of selfless service and being content with only what is truly needed. For instance, we can buy a watch for $20 or $200, but both tell the time. If we buy the watch for $20, we can donate the rest to the poor. Thus, we help others by meeting their basic needs.

Cultivate True Friendships

Epicurus suggested that true, meaningful friendships are fundamental to our happiness. We should spend our time cultivating positive relationships with the people around us—relationships not marked by bitterness, jealousy, or resentment.

Sometimes life gets in the way, and we neglect those dearest to us in favor of other pursuits. In addition, many of us are reluctant to open ourselves fully to our friends. We fear they cannot be trusted or that we will be met with rejection. We may have many friends and acquaintances, but not all are held in equal regard where trust and openness are concerned.

True friends should inspire us to improve and become happier. They should have our best interests at heart. Our best friends should not merely reflect our interests; they should also help us focus and instill values.

Amma tells a story to demonstrate how those around us can influence us: “Once, a temple and a liquor shop kept parrots as pets. While the temple parrot chanted Vedic mantras, the parrot in the liquor shop uttered obscenities. Children, one’s conduct is determined by the company one keeps.”

The habits and attitudes of our friends inevitably rub off on us. By surrounding ourselves with those who share similar spiritual values and perform selfless actions, we become inspired and uplifted.

On the other hand, we may be led astray when we cultivate friendships with those who focus only on worldly pleasures and material objects. True friendships with those who share similar values enrich our lives and uplift our spirits.

On a deeper level, we should cultivate our relationship with God and the Guru. In a sense, God is our only true friend. Our relationship with God is truly unconditional. Though God is always there for us, like any relationship, we receive according to the sincerity and effort we offer. By nurturing this inner relationship through prayer, meditation, and silence, we gain more inner strength and awareness. We develop deeper happiness and unconditional love to share with others.

Higher Love

Worldly love should grow into higher love and become divine love, as Amma constantly reminds us. This is the highest goal in cultivating meaningful friendships. By offering those around us our hearts and unconditional love, our relationships can transcend the bonds of worldly attachment and friendship based on expectation.

Amma tells us, “Real love has nothing to do with lust or self-centeredness. In real love, you are not important; the other is important. In love, the other is not your instrument to fulfill your selfish desires; you are an instrument of the Divine, with the intention of doing good in the world. Love does not sacrifice others; love gives joyfully of itself. Love is selfless. In real love, you do not feel worthless; on the contrary, you expand and become one with everything—all-encompassing, ever blissful.”

True and meaningful friendships are based on real love and bring us lasting happiness. Real love is the basis of true friendship and the source of deep happiness.

Produce Meaningful Work

 

The next thing many of us feel we need in order to be happy is wealth. Though Epicurus formulated his ideas almost two thousand years ago, today we are more motivated by money than ever before. So much so, in fact, that many of us spend our lives working hard, hoping that someday we will have enough money to buy an expensive house and retire early. Our obsession with earning money pushes us to work tirelessly. We drive ourselves to exhaustion and experience tremendous stress and unhappiness.

Epicurus argued that the key to satisfaction and happiness in our working lives is not earning a lot of money but knowing that we are producing meaningful work. We all long to feel that we are making a difference. Deep down, we do not care only about large sums of money or job titles but about the feeling that we are helping make the world a better place for others.

In order to live happily, it is important that we love our work. After all, work takes up a large part of our time. It only makes sense that we do things that bring meaning and joy. Few things bring as much joy as knowing that we are helping others.

Amma tells us, “In real love, you are not important; the other is important.”

Instead of working from nine to five—or later every day—in a job that you dislike, seek to discover how you can provide meaning and support others. In the words of Charles Dickens, “No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.”

When we engage in work or selfless service that allows us to lift the burdens of others, we find a deeper sense of contentment and satisfaction. As Amma often says, selfless service is the only soap that truly purifies.

Amma’s life is exemplary of a life dedicated to the meaningful work of selfless service. Indeed, the central tenet of Amma’s teachings is selfless service for others. This is the most meaningful of all work because it not only benefits the recipient but also purifies the one who serves.

Amma says, “When we dedicate ourselves solely to the well-being of others, it is our own mind that becomes pure. When you give your friend a bouquet of flowers, you are the one who experiences the gratification of giving. You are the first one to enjoy the beauty and fragrance of the flowers. In the same way, you can derive happiness from selfless acts.”

When we focus on serving others, we forget our own troubles and can more easily let go of our desires. Sacrifices seem smaller, we feel lighter, and we become happy.

Learn to Live Happily With Less

 

Lastly, Epicurus considered our fixation with desire. We seek to fill gaps in our lives by chasing our wants and impulses. We strive to earn more money, get in shape, or find a romantic partner. We endlessly follow our desires in the hope that, by achieving them, we will finally feel happy.

But there is a catch: pursuing these desires only delays the arrival of peace. By chasing mindless pleasure, we miss the mark completely. Epicurus argued that our longing for luxury, status, and pleasure conceals a deeper hunger for satisfaction.

One of his most famous sayings summarizes the core principle behind his teachings: “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” This is one of Epicurus’ maxims for joy.

By living simply, we free up our time and energy to serve others more fully. We are less burdened and drained by the ups and downs of constantly chasing what we do not already have. Spiritual principles, meditation, and selfless service give us mental strength and understanding. Then we can overcome our desires, control our mind and wants, and be content with what we have.

Amma explains, “A person who has learned how to swim will rejoice in the waves of the sea, whereas a person who cannot swim will drown in the same situation. A person who understands the principles of spirituality is like someone who knows how to swim—for him, every moment is blissful.”

Spiritual values and practices help us move forward in life with contentment and happiness.

Amma also emphasizes the importance of our attitude: “Earn money to live; don’t live to earn money. If we reject our values and center our mind and thoughts only on money, all of our love will be fake. Moreover, we will have a business-like mentality toward everything. Spirituality is not opposed to acquiring wealth or fulfilling desires; that is a misconception. There is nothing wrong with acquiring wealth or fulfilling desires. Spirituality only insists that these be done through righteous means.”

When we focus only on fulfilling our desires and increasing wealth, the joy of life dries up. Spiritual values and practices help us move forward in life with contentment and happiness. When we must strive to fulfill desires or reach for success, we can do so without attachment and with the understanding that these external endeavors are not what bring lasting joy and contentment.

The Takeaway: Making Happiness a Choice

Epicurus sought to teach others how to live happily for one reason: many people did not know how. Many of us are still puzzled by the problem of happiness. We think that romance, money, and luxury are the solutions to our misery—but they are not. These things provide only fleeting pleasure and fail to produce lasting changes in our well-being.

Instead, Epicurus advises us to reflect on the moments that bring us true happiness. We should pay close attention to all the small, wonderful things that fill our daily lives and cultivate gratitude for all that we have, surrendering our desire for more.

We should spend time with friends who help us improve and grow. Such friends bring joy and meaning into our lives. Whenever possible, we should try to serve others and help make the world a better place. Finally, we should seek peace of mind in our free time. Through meditation and learning to live in the present moment, we will no longer crave luxury or wealth but become content with what we already have.

A couple thousand years later, Amma is advising us in much the same way. At the coming of the New Year, Amma often says that though the number of the calendar year has changed, essentially nothing else has. The human mind remains the same.

In many ways, life in ancient Athens was very different from life in the modern world. Yet human nature is still very much the same, and the advice of Epicurus still holds true. Many of the ancient truths in the Vedas also still ring true today.

May we all have Amma’s grace and the strength of mind to make a firm resolve to choose happiness, no matter what life may bring.